There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
