he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sext me about skeletons
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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