So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
