Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wow bdsm is so cute
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