Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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