Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
