Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
