Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
