Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
