My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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