i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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