Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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