Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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