if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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