i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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