i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
