there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
