Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
