Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
