Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
