I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
