i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
