New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
