You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
