before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
