VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
