I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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