marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
