after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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