she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We are all done wearing pants today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
