there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
