i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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