I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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