I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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