just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
