I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
