So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
