He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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