help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He shit in the fireplace
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
