She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
