so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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