ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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