After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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