Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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