took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
