You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
