your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
