he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
