My cat gives me a boner
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
