your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
