I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
